Wednesday, January 29, 2014

26 week pregnancy update!





How far along?  26 weeks

Total weight gain?  still holding at -4 from my pre-pregnancy weight
 (-16lbs lost/+12lbs gained back/-4lbs down from pre-pregnancy weight)
 
Maternity clothes?  duh
 
Stretch marks?  none this pregnancy
 
Sleep:  interrupted 2-3 times a night usually to use the bathroom
 
Best moments this week:  buying her some special outfits and essentials and our nightly chats when everyone else in the house is sleeping.
 
Movement: she is becoming quite the communicator these days! I talk and she responds by kicking me back. It is quite entertaining.


Cravings:  fruit, just like I craved with the girls

Gender Predictions:  umm...I am still going to say girl ;)
(I have become quite a pro at reading ultrasounds by now)

Labor Signs:   nope.

Belly button in or out?  coming to the surface

What I miss?  being able to get up in one quick movement

What I am looking forward to?   Starting the third trimester & dressing her up in her pretty little clothes that are waiting for her in the closet!

Weekly wisdom:  Trust God with her life.

Milestones:   Baby is the size of a...hothouse cucumber and approximately 2lbs!
My uterus is now the size of a basketball.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Week 4/52

2014 Weekly Portrait Challenge

Week 4

This week we are just living life...

helping with the breakfast dishes

morning routine

my handsome date
 


grumpy boy
 
 
and just for fun...baby girl 25 weeks



Be sure to check out my nieces weekly portrait challenges as well!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Isaac's first birthday

It is a very difficult think to shop for and "celebrate" your son's first birthday that won't be with you to celebrate. None the less the day is a day to celebrate the life that he lived and the milestone in our family...his 1st birthday.

There really isn't any appropriate party ware for a deceased child's birthday party. As I stood in front of the 1st birthday section at the party store I found nothing but hot tears running down my face. "HAPPY" Birthday? Somehow while the birthday was indeed what I was in search of the happy part wasn't quite apropos to this celebration.
I settled on plain blue plates with coordinating plaid blue and green napkins that were NOT located in the "HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!" section.
I then went in search of cupcake toppers in search of the perfect blue bird topper that would represent him. Of course I found no such thing.
Oh, I found the "IT'S A BOY!" cup cake toppers as the frustration set in.
Not quite what I had, had in mind.
Again, I settled on suckers that were blue and said thank you in omage to my family for being there for us through this past year and to celebrate him with us that day.
Then I was on the hunt for Chinese lanterns...which of course...they had none.
Could You cut me a break here God! Throw me a bone...please!
            Balloons....I settle on "Happy Birthday" balloons in rainbow colors. There is that word again...happy...
And then the candle. You know, the number candle that you hope they are going to have in stock.
I pick up the  number 1 candle.
With candle in hand, appropriate for the milestone, I can't help but to stand there and stare at the number 0.
The appropriateness of it's value resonates in me and the tears fall.
All of the many milestones that could have been a part of this last year with him flash through my mind like a movie. And I stare at that number 0. A sore reminder of the great, great loss we have endured. Zero. Never has that number held more value to me before.
But then...she kicks.
I feel the hope of new life growing inside of me and I remember the new found hope that she brings.
I wipe away the tears and head to the check out so glad that this shopping trip is over.

Saturday, January 11th arrives and I am so grateful that it fell on a Saturday!
House is clean and we leave to go pick up food, cupcakes, and fill up those balloons.
You know, the ones that say happy on them...
A half an hour before my family is to arrive at my house I am standing at the counter of the same party store trying to fill up the happy balloons.

"That will be an hour wait." the lady behind the counter tells me.

Again. The tears fall as I stand looking at her.

"These balloons are for my son. Today would have been his first birthday, but he died."

"I am sorry mam." is all she can utter with a look of panic on her face.

Luckily she double checked the time and they said that it would only be 20 minutes.
We left to pick up the food and returned. My 12 balloons were ready.
I grabbed them and headed out into the crazy, rip the balloons right out of my hands, wind and held on for dear life.
BANG! BANG!
Those happy balloons began to pop and I headed back into the store showing them more of my tears. Luckily they quickly fixed them and we were on our way.
Of course my family was there waiting for us at our house when we arrived.
We ate and looked through his pictures.
Then I got out the cupcakes, lit the number 1 candle.
Everyone began to sing...
I got out the first two words, "Happy Birthday....and the tears fell and nothing more would come out of my mouth. Everyone finished the song without me,
"Happy Birthday dear Isaac, happy birthday to you." and then it hit me like a sucker punch to my stomach...DEAFENING SILENCE. In place of  "and many more!" SILENCE. Because there will be no more. The truth is there never actually was.
This was the hardest part of the day. Just a moment of silence as I blew out his first birthday candle.
And then we ate cake. Not happy birthday cake but birthday cake.
And it made me happy to celebrate him and his life. To remember the good, and to celebrate.

 
Then there were those happy birthday balloons.
We headed up the street to a church parking lot before darkness quickly set in.
Of course the wind blew so fierce I thought that we would never pull it off.
As we tried to untangle the balloons and hand them out to everyone I found myself in the same church parking lot as I had many months before.
Remember? The one where I was yelling at God asking Him why?! Why He took my son? Why he was punishing me? Why, why, why?
My how far I have come and how far He has brought me.
It was in this parking lot I again found myself praying to God,
"Please God, calm the wind. Please let is have a moment to release these happy balloons, please!"
I whispered.
 
No luck.
 
Everyone lined up with there balloons 2 red, 2 orange, 2 yellow, 2 green, 2 blue, and 2 purple,
twelve in all.
I stood behind my camera and snapped away hoping to get a decent picture.
And the wind raged on... 

hold on


release...



and then, in that moment of release, the wind stopped...

We let go and God answered my whispered prayer in the darkness.
As I stood there watching his balloons float away in the darkness I realized something...

God had always been there and he had answered my prayers.
It just wasn't in the way that I  had planned.
It never is though, is it?
Not our plans but His are ALWAYS the best laid plans.

HAPPY Birthday my sweet Isaac.
Thank you for all that you have brought to our family.
You will always be a part of us and we will always happily celebrate you.
You are loved.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

25 Weeks Pregnancy Update

Wednesday, January 22, 2014 

 25 week pregnancy update

 
 
 How far along? 25 weeks! We have now passed the point of viability!
 
Total weight gain? Ok...so I have lost -16lbs/gained +12lbs back/so I am still -4lbs from my       original starting weight.
 
Maternity clothes? LOL...is that a serious question? This is my 6th pregnancy. Basically maternity clothes become a must as soon as the two blue lines show up on the pregnancy test at this stage of the game. On the plus side I forgot how comfortable they are! I live in leggings, yoga pants, and jeans most of the time (all maternity), maternity tank tops that I LOVE from Old Navy, and these awesome over sized sweaters that I found at Target. Throw on a pair of boots and a scarf and that is basically my prego wardrobe these days.
 
Stretch marks? I have not had one stretch mark since I was pregnant with the girls 8 years ago. So, no new stretch marks since the twin pregnancy. But, lets face it, there was no getting out of them with a belly that big no matter how many times a day I lathered on the belly oil.
 
Sleep: The pregnancy pillow is my best friend. The baby is already waking me up multiple times a night because she is so active, but I love it. You can find me smiling, half asleep, with my hand on my belly multiple times throughout the night, which I think is a beautiful thing.  Oh, and there is the getting up to pee multiple times a night too. Who can forget that? I'll just count it as practice for all of the getting up in the middle of the night I will be doing here very soon once she arrives. I am a little out of practice.
 
Best moments this week: Yesterday it was Owen's turn to go to a doctors appointment with me. It was so nice to just have time with my first son. We don't get to do that very often. He was so excited to get to see his baby sister on the ultrasound! Grandma (my mom) came too so it was extra special!
 
Movement: This girl is going to either be a gymnast or a ballerina....or maybe a trampolinist in the Olympics? She is one busy girl! And though she uses my bladder as her springboard, I am grateful for the reassurance that she is doing well.

Cravings: Nothing concrete. If I would have to pick something it would probably be ice cream...hold the pickles.

Gender Predictions: We found out on Friday the 13th of December that it is a girl! So excited to have a baby girl again after two boys! It will be fun to experience one baby girl this time too.

Labor Signs: Thank God, no! Only in my head sometimes...Rainbow pregnancies, or pregnancy after a loss, come with them, a whole new level of anxiety. One day at a time. Braxton Hicks contractions come and go every once in a while preparing for the real deal approximately 15 weeks from now.

Belly button in or out? Still in. Even with the girls pregnancy it only became flat. No outie for me.

What I miss? It is getting a little difficult to shave these days. Getting up from a seated position has become a bit more difficult as well.

What I am looking forward to? Holding her! I can't even fathom the gamut of emotions that her birth will bring, but, I cannot wait for the raw emotion of it all and getting to meet our little girl, face to face, in the very hospital that we said goodbye to our sweet Isaac just a year ago.

Weekly wisdom: I have always been one to wait until the end to get everything ready for baby. All of these years later I realize that it is a lot easier to waddle my bum down to the basement at 22-25 weeks pregnant than at 30+ weeks pregnant. Clothes are washed and put away, car seat is ready, diaper bag is packed, diapers and wipes are bought, and our bedroom has been rearranged in preparation for her arrival and for our new room mate. My plans are to invest in paper plates and plastic silverware and make some freezer meals for after she is born and pack the hospital bag in the next few weeks. I think my 9 month pregnant self will thank me.

Milestones: 1lb 9oz  Approximately the size of an eggplant. Passing the 24 week mark of viability.
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, January 20, 2014

3/52

2014 Weekly Portrait Challenge

Week 3

This week we are starting to prepare for baby girl... 

Emilee helping put baby clothes away

Olivia adoring one of baby sisters outfits

Owen helping put baby toys away

Evan helping put diapers away






Be sure to check out my nieces weekly portrait challenges as well!

Monday, January 13, 2014

Week 2/52

2014 Weekly Portrait Challenge

Week 2

This week is a...BIG announcement!

Emilee is going to be a big sister again!

Olivia is going to be a big sister again!

Owen is going to be a big brother again!

Evan FINALLY gets to be a big brother!

We are so, so very blessed
and will be growing by two feet
this May!

 

Be sure to check out my nieces weekly portrait challenges as well!
Angela-http://www.woolandwanderlust.com

Ashlee-http://arenephoto.com/a-portrait-a-week-252-personal/

Monday, January 6, 2014

Week 1/52

2014 Weekly Portrait Challenge 

Week 1

This week is a peek into our house on a Monday morning...



Olivia's morning Bible study

 
 
 
 
 
Emilee's morning Bible study
 
 
 
 

 



Owen's morning Bible story activity



 
 


Evan peeking out the window at Daddy




 
Be sure to check out my nieces weekly portrait challenges as well!
 
Angela-http://www.woolandwanderlust.com

Ashlee-http://arenephoto.com/a-portrait-a-week-152-personal/