As I find myself writing my first blog I am 30 years old, 30 weeks pregnant, with 3 kids, 3 years and under. (Hence the title) As I am writing I realize all the time that has passed and the things that I have laxed on since becoming a mother. (Writing being one of them.) What a release it is and how I have missed it so.
(Hence the new found desire to blog)
30 years old. It does not bother me or make me sad in any way. I find 30 to be strange as it seems that I have always been in my 20's. So many things happened in my 20's. The transition, I assume, is like moving out of an old home into a new one. The old home holds so many memories and milestones that it is sad to close the door and move onto the new house. But the new house is bigger, newer, and more beautiful than the last, just waiting for new memories to be made inside.
My 20's housed finding myself, the love of my life, my most accomplished career, and the making of 4 beautiful children. I met my future husband, Joseph, at 21, we dated and were married when I was 25. I was then hired at L'Oreal and soon after I discovered that I was pregnant with Emilee & Olivia. By the end of my 27th year Owen was born, and by 29 I became pregnant with baby #4. So many wonderful memories. Looking back it seems to over shadow all of the sadness that occurred in those 10 years of life.
Right after I met Joe my family began the long journey of traveling down the path of no return with surgery after surgery for my mother and grandmother. Joe was such a trooper and stood by me even when things were at their worst. That is when I knew, no matter what, our love would stand the test of time. My mother traveled the slow road of recovery over the next few years but I watched as a piece of her died along with my grandmother and reminded me how very lucky I was to still have her. Sadly, not even 2 months after the girls were born my grandmother departed this earth. It was the most difficult experience that I have encountered thus far in my life. With mended hearts I still feel her presence as she whispers that she is near when we least expect it. The most recent whisper was heard as we discovered that this baby is due on October 10, the day that she departed this earth. My family had come full circle starting with the girls being born, as she prepared to depart this world, and our last child being due on the exact day that she took her last breath. If only she were here to see my babies. She would have loved them SO MUCH and have been SO VERY proud.
Our next journey that we walked and survived only by the grace of God was the loss of my second pregnancy when the girls were 6 months old. Thought to be another twin pregnancy I trusted that God knew what he was doing and that four children under the age of a year and a half was not only asking to much of me but to much of my body as well. Keeping this in mind I still mourned the loss of the child(ren) that I never held that was created and departed this world all while inside of me. This I will carry with me until my dying day.
In keeping with the constant reminder that life is not promised and held in God's hands we went through yet another journey, this time with my Father and Grandfather both with heart issues I am glad to say that these both ended on a much happier note as recovery progressed. Amen!
So 30 years, 30 weeks pregnant, 3 kids, 3 and under, I find myself crazy, busy, and beautifully blessed. I thank God for all that we have been blessed with, all of the lessons that we have learned along the way, and for His steadfast love and devotion.
-Kristin
