The Trust Pact

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Right there. Right there on page 686 of my Women's Devotional Bible were those words in black and white.

"Trust in the Lord."

So I did.

This verse ran through my head and my heart my whole pregnancy with our sweet boy.
Usually when someone says, "Trust me." it usually translates to DO NOT TRUST THIS PERSON!
If someone has to convince you to trust them it is usually a sign that they are not a trustworthy person, right?
But this.
This was GOD telling me to trust Him. Who could be more trustworthy than the giver of life Himself?
Since God was resonating this Scripture within me to tell me to trust Him, I did. I knew that He had it all handled and that, in the end, He would make everything right. 
So I trusted.

Then came that day. The day when all of the trust that He had instilled in me would be tested.
 I trusted Him with my baby boy. In a moments time it all slipped through my fingers...
and he was gone.

"But I trusted!? I TRUSTED YOU JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO DO!
I don't understand. I trusted"...


Time went on. I grew to accept God's choice but I still didn't understand it.

And then, one day, thanks to a Bible study that I was following, I read deeper.

The Scripture verse for that day was Proverbs 3: 5-6. I have read this verse many, many times. 
In fact, I have it saved to memory. But, I didn't truly understand what it says until that day.

5"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

        It doesn't say, trust Him to give you what you want or what He has always provided in the past...

                        It says, trust Him with all of your heart, all of you, that what He decides is right beyond our understanding, even if it doesn't make sense to me.


6"...in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

       It doesn't say, acknowledge Him when trouble comes. Not, when you want or need something. Not, when you acknowledge Him, He will make everything the way that you think is right.

                         Always. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make things right in His sight and in His time.

When I read...really read and studied what God says through this verse I began to really see what God was promising. He wasn't promising to save my son. He wasn't promising to give me what I wanted, when I wanted it. But, what He was promising, was that He is there, always, to provide for us what we need in His sight.
He teaches us that, while we don't understand it all, He does. He sees the bigger picture for our lives and our salvation. He gives us what we need, not what we want, which can be two very different things.
He knows the number of our days and our children's and will use those days for His greater good.
And so I trust.
Not so that I get what I want, but so that I can be what God has for me, which is to walk with Him and see all that He has provided for me and to watch His beautiful story unfold.
Trust...
and abundant blessings will flow from the depths of the darkness and fear of our brokenness.
Trust..
and joy and hope will rise from the ashes, even when you are in despair. 
Trust...
He is waiting...